In the previous blog, we shared the first two of 4 keys to building your emotional intelligence and uncovering what’s actually going on underneath whatever you think you are upset about.
Why?
When you better understand your own emotions, you can tend to what you truly need, communicate what you’re really feeling, navigate conflict with greater awareness, and create more empathy, intimacy, connection, and peace within yourself and your relationship.
To recap…
We talked about getting curious about your “emotional jackets,” the feelings that may be easier to access on the surface…
…and expanding your emotional vocabulary so you can more accurately name what you are really feeling underneath (oftentimes multiple things simultaneously!).
In this blog, we’re sharing one more of the 4 keys to building your emotional intelligence in your relationship, and we’ll wrap it up with #4 next Thursday.
So here’s key #3 to building your emotional intelligence (in your relationships and beyond)…
(3) Become aware of your body sensations.
Every thought and feeling has a correlating response in your body.
For example, when you are nervous or stressed about something, you might feel jitters in your stomach, tightness in your throat, or heaviness in your chest.
When you are feeling hurt or sad, you might notice a lump in your throat, tears behind your eyes, heaviness around your heart, or a sinking feeling in your stomach.
And when you are angry or frustrated, you might notice your jaw clenching, your face getting hot, your heart beating faster, or tension building in your shoulders, chest, or hands.
Your body is constantly giving you clues about what you are feeling, sometimes even before your mind has fully put words to it.
Therefore, when you stay tuned into what’s going on in your body, you are able to keep a closer pulse on your emotions as well.
When we’re having meaningful conversations together in our own relationship of 23+ years, we often describe to one another what we’re physically feeling, not just our emotions and thoughts.
Sharing this with each other has cultivated a significantly deeper emotional intimacy and opportunity to know one another even more richly.
When we take a moment to actually be with ourselves and befriend whatever is arising, we are less likely to unconsciously leak our emotions or have them come out sideways.
Plus, we mitigate misunderstanding by letting one another into our truest experience.
To begin developing this self-awareness, we invite you to try this simple practice wherever you are:
Perhaps you want to close your eyes, and take a few cleansing breaths.
Then, bring your awareness to your body, focusing on pure sensations, not thoughts or emotions.
Scan your body from head to toe with gentle curiosity and mindfulness.
Simply take note of whatever physical sensations you feel, without clinging to or judging any of it.
Perhaps you notice tightness, constriction, heaviness, lightness, warmth, coolness, tingling, buzzing, fluttering, jitters, pressure, tension, aching, throbbing, shakiness, hollowness, fullness, openness, softness, numbness, or a sense of expansion or spaciousness.
Just say a friendly hello to all of it.
Then, let your breath become long, full, and spacious, giving these sensations full permission to be here and expanding the space around the sensations.
Nothing is right or wrong, good or bad. Again, we’re simply noticing, breathing, allowing, letting it be and then letting it move.
Great job!
When we were mentored by relationship pioneers Drs. Gay and Katie Hendricks many years ago, they taught us to communicate with each other the “microscopic truth.”
The microscopic truth means slowing down enough to notice and name the subtle, moment-to-moment sensations happening inside of us…
…rather than jumping straight to the bigger story or interpretation about what is happening.
It’s a powerful practice in self awareness and in building deeper emotional intimacy with one another. We highly recommend it!
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Okay, that gives you something new to play with ~ sharing not just your thoughts and emotions but also what’s arising in your body. Way to go!
Next blog, stay tuned for the last of 4 keys to building your emotional intelligence and uncovering what’s actually going on underneath the surface of your upset.
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If a thriving, fulfilling, loving, connected relationship is possible… why not choose it?!
A great relationship is not something you simply do or don’t have. It’s something you can learn to create. And helping you do so is our passion and expertise around here!
Want to explore possibilities? You can always reach us at 812-223-7186 M-F or schedule a FREE 20-minute consultation to learn more about our various services, available anywhere in the world.
Sending you so much love and gratitude always,
