Have you ever noticed there is a limited amount of time when things stay really good in your relationship?
Maybe you have a date night or share some sweet bonding moments or days together and feel really connected and positive and loving towards one another.
But then, in hardly any time at all, you pick a fight or find something to criticize in your partner or start to check out.
Essentially, you find yourselves right back in that familiar place of tension and disconnect.
Why does this happen?
Of course, we could explain this nearly universal experience in many ways and could certainly point out the patterns you fall back into that aren’t working (i.e. criticism, blaming, miscommunicating, withdrawing, etc.).
However, there is one powerful and overarching concept that helps explain why this happens, and it offers a fascinating insight into all areas of our lives, not just relationships. … Read More.
If you are someone (or are in a relationship with someone) who:
– consistently needs to get in the last word
– works to prove your point until your partner agrees with you
– dominates or interrupts conversations to get your ideas in
– looks for who’s to blame when something challenging occurs
– feels a strong need to be “right”
– responds to the ideas of others, not with curiosity but with your “superior” opinions and ideas
– repeats yourself, over and over, until you’ve “convinced” your partner
– has a pattern of making people wrong for what they think (i.e. “that’s a bad idea because…”)
– puts yourself in a position of authority over your spouse (“I know more than you” mentality)
– says things like: “how could you even think that?” or “what world do you live in?”
– tells your partner: “I told you this was going to happen” or “this is your fault”
– takes a position of condescending superiority
– refuses to listen or consider your partner’s point of view when it’s different from yours (with defensive body language, by talking over them, or by checking out or walking away)
– and/or gets really attached to your version of reality
…this month’s blog is for you! … Read More.
When we first got together nearly 17 years ago, I warned Bret: I love to experiment in the kitchen and can make some weird things. 😉 He laughed, and said he would eat just about anything.
I also told him I was aware that, now that he was in my life, the meals I cooked for myself would also be the ones I’d be making for him. In other words, we’d both be eating whatever I made.
In that moment, I remember realizing what a metaphor it was: in all our relationships, on some level, we both end up experiencing whatever each of us is individually doing, thinking, and feeling.
Over the years, we’ve realized just how much we each have a responsibility when we enter into relationship — to always be nurturing our own wellbeing and health, not just physically but our mental health, our emotional health, and our spiritual health too — so that we can best contribute to the health of our relationship. … Read More.
Travel season is upon us, and we’ve been hearing lots about it from clients recently! That’s why, for this month’s blog, we decided to revisit a topic we wrote about years ago: how to best travel together as a couple.
Although many people fantasize about a trip filled with laughter, deep connection, luxurious days just to delight in each other’s company, catching up on each other’s lives, and reigniting passion, research shows that many people get more benefit out of looking forward to the vacation (i.e. expected enjoyment) or reflecting on it afterwards (ex: some things that are difficult in the moment can make for really good stories afterwards!) than they do during the trip itself.
Turns out, for a lot of couples, traveling can be stressful. … Read More.
When your relationship is on the edge of separation or divorce, it can be terrifying, emotionally overwhelming, and deeply painful.
But it can also be a ripe time for transformation in your relationship. Why? Because it’s human nature: the more we have to lose, the more highly motivated we are to change.
First of all, it’s easy to wonder: can our relationship be fixed or saved?
Undoubtedly, what we’ve discovered over the years is that most couples have barely tapped into the potential of their relationship. So there is definitely hope. However, it’s not as simple as just desperately wanting to save your relationship — it’s essential to know how.
In this months’ blog, we go over 4 key tips you can implement immediately to help save your relationship before it’s too late. … Read More.
No matter how passionately your relationship began, over time, it’s almost guaranteed that at least one of you will experience a dip in sexual desire.
Wondering why? In this month’s blog, we share three fascinating insights that help to explain things and what you can do to counteract them:
(1) We are prone to hedonic adaptation.
Hedonic adaptation refers to how we humans adapt and become habituated to most life changes, positive or negative. With challenges in life, this comes in handy, as we adapt to difficulty to make things tolerable. However, with the goodness of life, it works against us, and we quickly lose touch with the allure that uniquely comes when things are new.
Ever had the experience of loving a new outfit or car when you first got it – only to discover, months later, it lost its appeal? … Read More.
We want to connect with you about a couple of exciting things…
(1) Our next couples retreat, Thrive in Love, is coming up soon (September 29-30) at one of our favorite places in the world, the Tibetan Mongolian Buddhist Cultural Center!
If you’d love to learn how to effectively and compassionately communicate (about even the most heated topics!), find ways for your differences to work for you, quickly repair and heal after any conflict, stay deeply connected (no matter how busy you are), reignite the spark, keep passion alive for a lifetime, give and receive the kind of love you both have been longing to experience, and create a joyful and thriving relationship, we would be thrilled and honored to have you with us! … Read More.
We just returned home from an amazing family trip over our son’s fall break (he’s a sophomore now at Arizona State University!). We’re so fortunate to enjoy a deeply connected and joyous relationship with him, and what we’ve learned about relationships has made an enormous difference in making this possible. We are profoundly grateful.
We know that parenting can be one of the top conflict areas in a lot of relationships: conflict over who’s more strict or lenient, the things you allow them to do (or think they shouldn’t be able to do), how much time you spend with them (or don’t spend with them), how you talk to them, and so on.
Every week in our office, we see loving and caring parents with the most wonderful intentions who feel confused and exhausted when they don’t see the results they are wanting, and it adds significant stress to their lives and relationship. … Read More.