When your relationship is on the edge of separation or divorce, it can be terrifying, emotionally overwhelming, and deeply painful.
But it can also be a ripe time for transformation in your relationship. Why? Because it’s human nature: the more we have to lose, the more highly motivated we are to change.
First of all, it’s easy to wonder: can our relationship be fixed or saved?
Undoubtedly, what we’ve discovered over the years is that most couples have barely tapped into the potential of their relationship. So there is definitely hope. However, it’s not as simple as just desperately wanting to save your relationship — it’s essential to know how.
In this months’ blog, we go over 4 key tips you can implement immediately to help save your relationship before it’s too late. … Read More.
No matter how passionately your relationship began, over time, it’s almost guaranteed that at least one of you will experience a dip in sexual desire.
Wondering why? In this month’s blog, we share three fascinating insights that help to explain things and what you can do to counteract them:
(1) We are prone to hedonic adaptation.
Hedonic adaptation refers to how we humans adapt and become habituated to most life changes, positive or negative. With challenges in life, this comes in handy, as we adapt to difficulty to make things tolerable. However, with the goodness of life, it works against us, and we quickly lose touch with the allure that uniquely comes when things are new.
Ever had the experience of loving a new outfit or car when you first got it – only to discover, months later, it lost its appeal? … Read More.
We want to connect with you about a couple of exciting things…
(1) Our next couples retreat, Thrive in Love, is coming up soon (September 29-30) at one of our favorite places in the world, the Tibetan Mongolian Buddhist Cultural Center!
If you’d love to learn how to effectively and compassionately communicate (about even the most heated topics!), find ways for your differences to work for you, quickly repair and heal after any conflict, stay deeply connected (no matter how busy you are), reignite the spark, keep passion alive for a lifetime, give and receive the kind of love you both have been longing to experience, and create a joyful and thriving relationship, we would be thrilled and honored to have you with us! … Read More.
We just returned home from an amazing family trip over our son’s fall break (he’s a sophomore now at Arizona State University!). We’re so fortunate to enjoy a deeply connected and joyous relationship with him, and what we’ve learned about relationships has made an enormous difference in making this possible. We are profoundly grateful.
We know that parenting can be one of the top conflict areas in a lot of relationships: conflict over who’s more strict or lenient, the things you allow them to do (or think they shouldn’t be able to do), how much time you spend with them (or don’t spend with them), how you talk to them, and so on.
Every week in our office, we see loving and caring parents with the most wonderful intentions who feel confused and exhausted when they don’t see the results they are wanting, and it adds significant stress to their lives and relationship. … Read More.
Most humans are hardwired to scan for what isn’t right, what needs to be fixed, and what could be better. In fact, it’s part of our survival wiring to look for perceived “threats” to our physical and emotional well-being.
There are places in life where this could be handy (like if you work in quality control or are scanning something for safety hazards). However, in your relationship, it’s definitely something to train yourself out of.
And, fortunately, thanks to neuroplasticity and the power of choice and self-awareness, it’s something you can absolutely shift!
Otherwise, what ends up happening in relationships (when you scan for what’s wrong) is that you are more likely to get the opposite of what you’re really looking for. In fact, you end up training your beloved to not do the very thing you want. … Read More.
How we SPEAK in our relationships is so very important, but learning how to LISTEN is equally so. Plus, how we listen directly determines how others will relate to us, speak to us, and feel about us. So many more challenges in relationships stem from people not fully hearing each other than they do from the issue itself. This probably means it’s high time we learn this invaluable relationship skill!
When we’re guiding a couple through a process in our office, we often have them take turns being the listener and speaker. Distinguishing these roles from each other can be super helpful in interrupting unhealthy communication patterns. Typically, when others speak, most people are in their own heads.
When it comes to thriving relationships, it’s essential that you get out of your own head and drop into the heart and world of someone else.… Read More.
Want to know one of the most essential elements to a healthy, conscious, connected, thriving relationship and the perfect antidote to defensiveness?
Here are 3 ways and situations in which we think CURIOSITY is the best response we can choose!
(1) When your partner shares something upsetting to them
Whether the upset involves you or not, here are some people’s favorite go-to responses…
– jumping right into advice giving
– judging them for overreacting, for being too sensitive, etc.
– “Yea, but…”
– “You are only saying that because…”
– “Well, you’re just going to have to…”
– “I did not!”
– “That is not what happened.”
All of the above responses can feel invalidating, unhelpful, and disconnecting, and the list of them goes on and on. … Read More.
Happiest start to sweet summertime! In our couples counseling and coaching practice, we tend to notice certain themes run through our office — with the challenges couples are experiencing and with the very things that would create the breakthroughs.
One of the big themes we’ve noticed recently is this: so many couples have lost touch with PLAYING together. Yes…PLAY!
When we refer to play, we’re referring to “play” as a way of stepping away from the world of tasks, distractions, and to-do-lists, as well as “playfulness,” which is a spirit in which we can approach just about anything!
Before we go on with some tips we hope are helpful for rejuvenating play, we first want to speak to those of you…
…who think you have too much to do and not enough time for play
…who bought into the myth that play is for children and not for adults
…and/or who are having a hard time imagining playing with the person you feel anything but playful with recently. … Read More.