When we first got together nearly 17 years ago, I warned Bret: I love to experiment in the kitchen and can make some weird things. 😉 He laughed, and said he would eat just about anything.
I also told him I was aware that, now that he was in my life, the meals I cooked for myself would also be the ones I’d be making for him. In other words, we’d both be eating whatever I made.
In that moment, I remember realizing what a metaphor it was: in all our relationships, on some level, we both end up experiencing whatever each of us is individually doing, thinking, and feeling.
Over the years, we’ve realized just how much we each have a responsibility when we enter into relationship — to always be nurturing our own wellbeing and health, not just physically but our mental health, our emotional health, and our spiritual health too — so that we can best contribute to the health of our relationship. … Read More.
Travel season is upon us, and we’ve been hearing lots about it from clients recently! That’s why, for this month’s blog, we decided to revisit a topic we wrote about years ago: how to best travel together as a couple.
Although many people fantasize about a trip filled with laughter, deep connection, luxurious days just to delight in each other’s company, catching up on each other’s lives, and reigniting passion, research shows that many people get more benefit out of looking forward to the vacation (i.e. expected enjoyment) or reflecting on it afterwards (ex: some things that are difficult in the moment can make for really good stories afterwards!) than they do during the trip itself.
Turns out, for a lot of couples, traveling can be stressful. … Read More.
When your relationship is on the edge of separation or divorce, it can be terrifying, emotionally overwhelming, and deeply painful.
But it can also be a ripe time for transformation in your relationship. Why? Because it’s human nature: the more we have to lose, the more highly motivated we are to change.
First of all, it’s easy to wonder: can our relationship be fixed or saved?
Undoubtedly, what we’ve discovered over the years is that most couples have barely tapped into the potential of their relationship. So there is definitely hope. However, it’s not as simple as just desperately wanting to save your relationship — it’s essential to know how.
In this months’ blog, we go over 4 key tips you can implement immediately to help save your relationship before it’s too late. … Read More.
No matter how passionately your relationship began, over time, it’s almost guaranteed that at least one of you will experience a dip in sexual desire.
Wondering why? In this month’s blog, we share three fascinating insights that help to explain things and what you can do to counteract them:
(1) We are prone to hedonic adaptation.
Hedonic adaptation refers to how we humans adapt and become habituated to most life changes, positive or negative. With challenges in life, this comes in handy, as we adapt to difficulty to make things tolerable. However, with the goodness of life, it works against us, and we quickly lose touch with the allure that uniquely comes when things are new.
Ever had the experience of loving a new outfit or car when you first got it – only to discover, months later, it lost its appeal? … Read More.
We want to connect with you about a couple of exciting things…
(1) Our next couples retreat, Thrive in Love, is coming up soon (September 29-30) at one of our favorite places in the world, the Tibetan Mongolian Buddhist Cultural Center!
If you’d love to learn how to effectively and compassionately communicate (about even the most heated topics!), find ways for your differences to work for you, quickly repair and heal after any conflict, stay deeply connected (no matter how busy you are), reignite the spark, keep passion alive for a lifetime, give and receive the kind of love you both have been longing to experience, and create a joyful and thriving relationship, we would be thrilled and honored to have you with us! … Read More.
We just returned home from an amazing family trip over our son’s fall break (he’s a sophomore now at Arizona State University!). We’re so fortunate to enjoy a deeply connected and joyous relationship with him, and what we’ve learned about relationships has made an enormous difference in making this possible. We are profoundly grateful.
We know that parenting can be one of the top conflict areas in a lot of relationships: conflict over who’s more strict or lenient, the things you allow them to do (or think they shouldn’t be able to do), how much time you spend with them (or don’t spend with them), how you talk to them, and so on.
Every week in our office, we see loving and caring parents with the most wonderful intentions who feel confused and exhausted when they don’t see the results they are wanting, and it adds significant stress to their lives and relationship. … Read More.
Most humans are hardwired to scan for what isn’t right, what needs to be fixed, and what could be better. In fact, it’s part of our survival wiring to look for perceived “threats” to our physical and emotional well-being.
There are places in life where this could be handy (like if you work in quality control or are scanning something for safety hazards). However, in your relationship, it’s definitely something to train yourself out of.
And, fortunately, thanks to neuroplasticity and the power of choice and self-awareness, it’s something you can absolutely shift!
Otherwise, what ends up happening in relationships (when you scan for what’s wrong) is that you are more likely to get the opposite of what you’re really looking for. In fact, you end up training your beloved to not do the very thing you want. … Read More.
How we SPEAK in our relationships is so very important, but learning how to LISTEN is equally so. Plus, how we listen directly determines how others will relate to us, speak to us, and feel about us. So many more challenges in relationships stem from people not fully hearing each other than they do from the issue itself. This probably means it’s high time we learn this invaluable relationship skill!
When we’re guiding a couple through a process in our office, we often have them take turns being the listener and speaker. Distinguishing these roles from each other can be super helpful in interrupting unhealthy communication patterns. Typically, when others speak, most people are in their own heads.