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The Key Reason Why You’re Addicted to Conflict
Written on October 17th.

​Have you ever noticed there is a limited amount of time when things stay really good in your relationship?

Maybe you have a date night or share some sweet bonding moments or days together and feel really connected and positive and loving towards one another.

But then, in hardly any time at all, you pick a fight or find something to criticize in your partner or start to check out.

Essentially, you find yourselves right back in that familiar place of tension and disconnect.

Why does this happen?

Couple in conflict

Of course, we could explain this nearly universal experience in many ways and could certainly point out the patterns you fall back into that aren’t working (i.e. criticism, blaming, miscommunicating, withdrawing, etc.).

However, there is one powerful and overarching concept that helps explain why this happens, and it offers a fascinating insight into all areas of our lives, not just relationships. … Read More.

How to Get Over the Need to be Right
Written on September 19th.

​If you are someone (or are in a relationship with someone) who:

– consistently needs to get in the last word
– works to prove your point until your partner agrees with you
– dominates or interrupts conversations to get your ideas in​
– looks for who’s to blame when something challenging occurs
– feels a strong need to be “right”
– responds to the ideas of others, not with curiosity but with your “superior” opinions and ideas
– repeats yourself, over and over, until you’ve “convinced” your partner
– has a pattern of making people wrong for what they think (i.e. “that’s a bad idea because…”)
– puts yourself in a position of authority over your spouse (“I know more than you” mentality)
– says things like: “how could you even think that?” or “what world do you live in?”
– tells your partner: “I told you this was going to happen” or “this is your fault”
– takes a position of condescending superiority
– refuses to listen or consider your partner’s point of view when it’s different from yours (with defensive body language, by talking over them, or by checking out or walking away)
– and/or gets really attached to your version of reality

…this month’s blog is for you! … Read More.

Your Relationship is Only as Healthy as You Each Are Individually
Written on August 28th.

When we first got together nearly 17 years ago, I warned Bret: I love to experiment in the kitchen and can make some weird things. 😉 He laughed, and said he would eat just about anything.

Whew! 😉

I also told him I was aware that, now that he was in my life, the meals I cooked for myself would also be the ones I’d be making for him. In other words, we’d both be eating whatever I made.

In that moment, I remember realizing what a metaphor it was: in all our relationships, on some level, we both end up experiencing whatever each of us is individually doing, thinking, and feeling.

man catching woman jumping

Over the years, we’ve realized just how much we each have a responsibility when we enter into relationship — to always be nurturing our own wellbeing and health, not just physically but our mental health, our emotional health, and our spiritual health too — so that we can best contribute to the health of our relationship. … Read More.

4 Keys to Save Your Relationship If You Are on the Edge of Separation
Written on June 20th.

When your relationship is on the edge of separation or divorce, it can be terrifying, emotionally overwhelming, and deeply painful.

But it can also be a ripe time for transformation in your relationship. Why? Because it’s human nature: the more we have to lose, the more highly motivated we are to change.

First of all, it’s easy to wonder: can our relationship be fixed or saved?

Undoubtedly, what we’ve discovered over the years is that most couples have barely tapped into the potential of their relationship. So there is definitely hope. However, it’s not as simple as just desperately wanting to save your relationship — it’s essential to know how.

Couple Embracing

In this months’ blog, we go over 4 key tips you can implement immediately to help save your relationship before it’s too late. … Read More.

3 Reasons Passion Fades in Relationships (+ How to Counteract it)
Written on May 30th.

No matter how passionately your relationship began, over time, it’s almost guaranteed that at least one of you will experience a dip in sexual desire.

Wondering why? In this month’s blog, we share three fascinating insights that help to explain things and what you can do to counteract them:

(1) We are prone to hedonic adaptation.

Hedonic adaptation refers to how we humans adapt and become habituated to most life changes, positive or negative. With challenges in life, this comes in handy, as we adapt to difficulty to make things tolerable. However, with the goodness of life, it works against us, and we quickly lose touch with the allure that uniquely comes when things are new.

Ever had the experience of loving a new outfit or car when you first got it – only to discover, months later, it lost its appeal? … Read More.

2 Ways to Get Out of Your Funk & Back Into Your Groove
Written on April 21st.

Couples that come to us for counseling often talk about a longing to get back to where they used to be, when things were easier, love was flowing freely, and they felt deeply connected. But they feel lost about how to get there. Today, we’re excited to share with you 2 easy ways to get out of your funk and back into your groove!

Get Back Into Your Groove

#1: Create a New “Relationship Home Base.”

In your relationship, have you had the experience of things going really well for awhile, you are getting along, laughing together, smiling when you look at each other, sharing quality and positive time, making love, being affectionate, feeling connected, giving freely…and then…BAM…things are suddenly back to old patterns, gridlock issues, power struggles, nitpicking, blaming, criticizing, touching less, feeling dissatisfied, or any of those other things you wish you could avoid? … Read More.

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