Is YOUR relationship dying, surviving, or thriving? Take this free quiz to quickly find out  >> Click here.

Your Relationship is Only as Healthy as You Each Are Individually

When we first got together nearly 17 years ago, I warned Bret: I love to experiment in the kitchen and can make some weird things. 😉 He laughed, and said he would eat just about anything.

Whew! 😉

I also told him I was aware that, now that he was in my life, the meals I cooked for myself would also be the ones I’d be making for him. In other words, we’d both be eating whatever I made.

In that moment, I remember realizing what a metaphor it was: in all our relationships, on some level, we both end up experiencing whatever each of us is individually doing, thinking, and feeling.

man-catching-woman-jumping

Over the years, we’ve realized just how much we each have a responsibility when we enter into relationship — to always be nurturing our own well-being and health, not just physically but our mental health, our emotional health, and our spiritual health too — so that we can best contribute to the health of our relationship.

Here’s the thing:

Everything you think and do, not only when you are together but also when you are apart, spills over to affect those around you.

This can be hugely beneficial when our thoughts and habits are positive, life-affirming, uplifting, conscious, and inspiring, as the benefits extend beyond just ourselves, and every bit of growth and goodness we cultivate in our own lives becomes exponentially more valuable when shared and, thus, multiplied.

However, the same is true for our unhealthy patterns and beliefs, as those not only damage our own lives but have ripples that extend far beyond. If we’re not loving and caring for ourselves, we are extremely limited in our ability to love and care for others.

Dollarphotoclub_83178185

We’ve been seeing this a lot in our office lately: just how essential self-awareness and self-care are to the overall health of a relationship.

In countless ways, our relationships are profound mirrors for what is going on inside of us — and for what we need to do to grow, heal, and better love and care for ourselves.

That’s why, in this month’s blog, we share 6 key questions to ask when you find yourself feeling annoyed with your partner, crabby, defensive, lashing out, critical or triggered. Here they are…

(1) What is my relationship like with myself right now?

(2) How can I take better care of myself?

(3) What part of myself do I need to love and accept more fully?

(4) I am only triggered right now because there is something inside of me getting triggered. How is this happening for me and my own evolution and growth?

(5) In what ways do I need to grow right now in order for our relationship to improve?

(6) What am I really feeling underneath the surface, and how are these emotions guiding me towards positive actions I need to take?

When we enter into a romantic relationship, it reveals and amplifies everything within us — both the challenging qualities, patterns, beliefs and the amazing ones.

If you have some unhealthy patterns (ex: spending way too much time on your phone, eating way too much sugar (which leads to more irritability), not managing your stress and anxiety, beating yourself up, engaging in self-sabotage, etc.), your partner is going to feel it.

man-running

Likewise, when you have healthy patterns (ex: getting into an awesome health routine, meditating every morning, relaxing with a bath, spending quality time with uplifting and encouraging friends, going to therapy, etc.), your partner is going to feel that too.

In fact, if you want to improve your relationship and bring out the best in your beloved and inspire positive changes in them, oftentimes, the most effective strategy is to focus on being and sharing with them the best version of yourself.

Let’s turn this idea into action and get really honest about some of your own less-than-ideal patterns. Don’t worry, we all have them. 😉

One unhealthy pattern I have is…

When I engage in this pattern, I feel…

This impacts our relationship and how I treat my partner by…

A new positive habit I could do instead is…

This would positively impact our relationship by…

Rather than waiting for anyone else to make the above shift happen for you, what is a positive action you can commit to taking right away?

happy-african-american-couple

Also, we want to make it clear that we’re not saying we need to be perfect. In fact, one of the most beautiful parts of our intimate relationship is that we get to share our humanness with one another and be loved for all of who we are. We’re just suggesting the vital importance of personal growth, self-awareness, and personal healthy habits in order to have a conscious, thriving relationship that allows you to bring out the best in — not just yourselves — but in each other too.

Sending you all our love and blessings as you take your commitment to self-care to the next level ~ and as you revel in all of the many benefits of doing so!

Infinite Love and Joy,

Getting relationship and marriage help has never been easier, and we’re here for you with all our hearts. Learn more about our couples and marriage therapy and counseling, Thriving Relationship Coach Certification training, weekend couples retreats, workshops, and getaways, online relationship course and group coaching, virtual sexuality program, and premarital counseling.

You can also schedule a FREE consultation to get all your questions answered and ensure we’re the perfect fit to support you with whatever relationship problems and issues you are navigating.

Whether you want to breakthrough certain issues, are in a really tough spot right now and want to save your marriage and stop divorce, are recovering from infidelity, are hungry to renew your connection and fall in love again, want to improve your communication, long for a better sex life, or simply want to create lasting love and an amazing, healthy relationship, we’ve got you covered.

PS: Be sure to download our free guide on the #1 Thing You’re NOT Doing That’s Preventing You From Thriving (full of relationship advice that will make a positive difference overnight).

Related Posts:

marriage counseling couples counseling eartheart institute center for thriving relationships Christine eartheart and Bret eartheart marriage engaged therapy pre-marital counseling couples therapy couples retreat couples workshop getaway reignite the spark affair divorce communication how to get him to listen partnership long-term love commitment husband wife marriage self care conflict retreat sex therapy conference convention phone skype video conference online counseling online therapy Bloomington Indiana IN Illinois IL chicago midwest fishers indianapolis martinsville Bedford spencer Ohio Michigan Carmel Naperville Kentucky Detroit Louisville KY OH MI Gottman gay Hendricks kate Hendricks Harville Hendrix sue johnson

Stay Connected

Join our mailing list to get free tips and guidance on love and relationships, as well as occasional announcements delivered right to your inbox (info we don’t share anywhere else!).

marriage counseling couples counseling eartheart institute center for thriving relationships Christine eartheart and Bret eartheart marriage engaged therapy pre-marital counseling couples therapy couples retreat couples workshop getaway reignite the spark affair divorce communication how to get him to listen partnership long-term love commitment husband wife marriage self care conflict retreat sex therapy conference convention phone skype video conference online counseling online therapy Bloomington Indiana IN Illinois IL chicago midwest fishers indianapolis martinsville Bedford spencer Ohio Michigan Carmel Naperville Kentucky Detroit Louisville KY OH MI Gottman gay Hendricks kate Hendricks Harville Hendrix sue johnson

Want to know the

#1 mistake

nearly every couple makes that prevents them from

thriving?