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Your Relationship is Only as Healthy as You Each Are Individually

Written on August 28th

August 2019

When we first got together nearly 17 years ago, I warned Bret: I love to experiment in the kitchen and can make some weird things. 😉 He laughed, and said he would eat just about anything.

Whew! 😉

I also told him I was aware that, now that he was in my life, the meals I cooked for myself would also be the ones I’d be making for him. In other words, we’d both be eating whatever I made.

In that moment, I remember realizing what a metaphor it was: in all our relationships, on some level, we both end up experiencing whatever each of us is individually doing, thinking, and feeling.

man catching woman jumping

Over the years, we’ve realized just how much we each have a responsibility when we enter into relationship — to always be nurturing our own wellbeing and health, not just physically but our mental health, our emotional health, and our spiritual health too — so that we can best contribute to the health of our relationship.

Here’s the thing — everything you think and do, not only when you are together but also when you are apart, spills over to affect those around you.

This can be hugely beneficial when our thoughts and habits are positive, life-affirming, uplifting, conscious, and inspiring, as the benefits extend beyond just ourselves, and every bit of growth and goodness we cultivate in our own lives becomes exponentially more valuable when shared and, thus, multiplied.

However, the same is true for our unhealthy patterns and beliefs, as those not only damage our own lives but have ripples that extend far beyond. If we’re not loving and caring for ourselves, we are extremely limited in our ability to love and care for others.

Stressed woman

We’ve been seeing this a lot in our office lately: just how essential self-awareness and self-care are to the overall health of a relationship.

In countless ways, our relationships are profound mirrors for what is going on inside of us — and for what we need to do to grow, heal, and better love and care for ourselves.

That’s why, in this month’s blog, we share 6 key questions to ask when you find yourself feeling annoyed with your partner, crabby, defensive, lashing out, critical or triggered. Here they are…

(1) What is my relationship like with myself right now?

(2) How can I take better care of myself?

(3) What part of myself do I need to love and accept more fully?

(4) I am only triggered right now because there is something inside of me getting triggered. How is this happening for me and my own evolution, healing, and growth?

(5) In what ways do I need to grow right now in order for our relationship to improve?

(6) What am I really feeling underneath the surface, and how are these emotions guiding me towards positive actions I need to take?

When we enter into a romantic relationship, it reveals and amplifies everything within us — both the challenging qualities, patterns, beliefs and the amazing ones.

If you have some unhealthy patterns (ex: spending way too much time on your phone, eating way too much sugar (which leads to more irritability), not managing your stress and anxiety, beating yourself up, engaging in self-sabotage, etc.), your partner is going to feel it.

man running

Likewise, when you have healthy patterns (ex: getting into an awesome health routine, meditating every morning, relaxing with a bath, spending quality time with uplifting and encouraging friends, going to therapy, etc.), your partner is going to feel that too.

In fact, if you want to improve your relationship and bring out the best in your beloved and inspire positive changes in them, oftentimes, the most effective strategy is to focus on being and sharing with them the best version of yourself.

Let’s turn this idea into action and get really honest about some of your own less-than-ideal patterns. Don’t worry, we all have them. 😉

One unhealthy pattern I have is…

When I engage in this pattern, I feel…

This impacts our relationship and how I treat my partner by…

A new positive habit I could do instead is…

This would positively impact our relationship by…

Rather than waiting for anyone else to make the above shift happen for you, what is a positive action you can commit to taking right away?

happy african american couple

Also, we want to make it clear that we’re not saying we need to be perfect. In fact, one of the most beautiful parts of our intimate relationship is that we get to share our humanness with one another and be loved for all of who we are. We’re just suggesting the vital importance of personal growth, self-awareness, and individual healthy habits in order to have a conscious, thriving relationship that allows you to bring out the best — not just in yourselves — but in each other too.
Sending you all our love and blessings as you take your commitment to self-care to the next level ~ and as you revel in all of the many benefits of doing so!

Infinite Love and Joy,
Christine and Bret

PS: REGISTRATION IS OPEN for our upcoming Thrive in Love retreat, happening this October in Bloomington, IN. Renew your connection, and learn all the essentials for what it takes to experience the greatest version of your relationship. We’d love to see you there, and many couples mark this retreat as the turning point in their relationship!

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