How You Can Put It Into Practice
When your partner shares an idea with you that you don’t instantly agree with, whether it’s changing the paint color of a room, buying a hot tub, trading in their car for a motorcycle, wanting to travel to India, having another child, trying out a new restaurant, or shifting careers, it may be common for you to:
– judge, tease, or make them feel wrong for having this idea
– tell them all the reasons it’s not a good idea
– try to dominate or control them with your own ideas
This results in disconnection and your beloved:
– feeling like they can’t be their authentic self with you
– quieting their true voice
– becoming trained not to open up to you
– thinking they need to disconnect from you in order to connect to themselves
Plus, you miss out on really knowing and understanding your beloved’s innermost thoughts, feelings, and dreams, an incredibly precious gift!
Next time your sweetheart says something (anything!) that you think is a bad idea, instead of shooting it down, criticizing it, telling them all the reasons why they shouldn’t do or think something, ask them (in a truly caring, genuine tone) to tell you more about it. What is it about this thing that interests them, inspires them, pulls them in, or lights them up? Curiosity is truly one of the most valuable relationship skills! When you get curious, rather than critical, you will discover things about your beloved you would otherwise miss, you create space for individuality in your togetherness, and you get to enjoy a richer, deeper, more genuine, and delightful connection!