HOW YOU CAN PUT IT INTO PRACTICE
When we humans are unhappy, it’s so easy to start looking OUTSIDE of ourselves to make things better. If only my partner ________________(picked up the house more, spent more time with me, was more present with the kids, laughed more, was more romantic, was more easy going, was more organized, initiated more lovemaking, etc.), things would be so much better.
While all of these are valid and may absolutely lead to more relationship joy, spending more moments looking to your partner, rather than yourself, can also lead to even more frustration — for both of you.
In fact, unless you have great communication skills to talk about your requests and needs effectively, it can lead to your partner feeling even less inspired to do any of those things. And it can definitely spiral into a power struggle very quickly! (“Well, I would do _______ if only you did more _______.”) It can also lead to your beloved giving to you out of a heavy sense of obligation, rather than from a lighter and much more sustainable feeling of choice.
Shifting from a focus on what you need from your beloved –> to a focus on wondering what your relationship needs from you is definitely a little thing that can make a big difference.
Again, your needs are completely valid, beautiful, and important! We simply find that the more effective question, the one that will bring you greater wisdom and more closeness, and the one that actually has a higher chance of resulting in a relationship where your own needs are met is this week’s little thing…
“What does my relationship need from ME right now to be happier, healthier, and more connected?”
Asking different questions leads to getting different results, and we hope you enjoy seeing how this new question manifests in your life and in your love!