For some people, sharing your feelings and needs is really easy.
If that’s you, it may be hard to understand how it could be otherwise for someone else.
However, there are plenty of people whose tendency is to withhold, suppress, pretend, deny…
…not because they want to…
…but, usually, because some part of them feels scared.
Scared that their feelings and needs don’t matter (they may have gotten this message earlier in life),
of how you’ll react,
that having needs and feelings makes them weak or less likable,
scared to look inside and be vulnerable with themselves and/or others,
of hurting or upsetting you,
or of being rejected when they do.
Oftentimes, withholding was once a form of protection.
It may have helped you stay safe, avoid conflict, keep the peace, gain love, or protect yourself from disappointment.
And, for many people, this isn’t just a habit or a mindset…
…it’s an automatic nervous system response.
The body learned early on that sharing feelings wasn’t safe, and so it developed a very intelligent way of shutting that impulse down.
If any of this resonates, it’s so important to give yourself and your partner an abundance of compassion.
Also, we have some good news…
Learning how to communicate your feelings and needs in a way your partner can best hear…
AND
…learning how to hear your partner in a way that encourages them to share more deeply…
…are thriving relationship skills that are 100% learnable!
Today, we’re simply chiming in with some loving encouragement…
…if you are the partner who tends to keep your feelings and needs in, if you tend to say, “I’m fine” (even when you really aren’t), or if you pretend things are okay…
Remember: any place you’re withholding your feelings is a place where deeper love and connection have a harder time growing and where solutions can be difficult to find.
Your feelings and needs are healthy, beautiful, valid, and important.
The places we hide are often the very places longing to be loved.
And holding your feelings in? That typically just keeps things stuck and building up.
(Which often turns into resentment.)
One of the most powerful ways for your partner to support you and help meet your needs is by communicating what those needs are.
And if you are the partner longing for your loved one to open up more, remember that people rarely share more deeply when they feel judged, criticized, rushed, or “wrong” for struggling to do so.
So creating a safe, loving, patient space that lovingly encourages them to share more of their feelings and needs is deeply important, healing, and helpful.
When it comes to vulnerability in relationships, we love these ideas…
“What we are willing to SHOW, we then can move through and GROW.”
and
“What we REVEAL we then can HEAL.”
Also, you don’t have to share everything all at once.
For example, when your partner asks how you feel about something, you can simply start with saying things like:
“Something is coming up for me, and I’d love to take some time with it.”
“I’m not fully sure what I’m feeling yet.”
“There is something I’d love to talk about when I feel ready.”
That starts to interrupt the pattern of just saying “fine” and gives you a little more time to be with your own precious feelings and needs before sharing them.
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Are you longing for more open, healthy, loving, productive communication?
That is one of our specialties here at the Center for Thriving Relationships: helping you break through, in even just one session, those conversations you’ve been struggling with for years.
You don’t have to do it alone, and there’s a much easier way.
You are always warmly welcome to reach us at 812-223-7186 M-F or schedule a FREE 20-minute consultation to learn more about our compassionate and confidential private sessions, available anywhere in the world.
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Cheering you on and sending so much support as you take any steps, no matter how small, towards deeper love, healing, understanding and connection,
