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4 Keys to Save Your Relationship If You Are on the Edge of Separation

Written on June 20th

June 2019

When your relationship is on the edge of separation or divorce, it can be terrifying, emotionally overwhelming, and deeply painful.

But it can also be a ripe time for transformation in your relationship. Why? Because it’s human nature: the more we have to lose, the more highly motivated we are to change.

First of all, it’s easy to wonder: can our relationship be fixed or saved?

Undoubtedly, what we’ve discovered over the years is that most couples have barely tapped into the potential of their relationship. So there is definitely hope. However, it’s not as simple as just desperately wanting to save your relationship — it’s essential to know how.

Couple Embracing

In this months’ blog, we go over 4 key tips you can implement immediately to help save your relationship before it’s too late.

1. Take radical responsibility.

Although your ego may resist taking responsibility, and you may be concerned you are going to expose your weaknesses, your willingness to own your role in the decline of your relationship will actually lead your partner to respect you more, not less. It takes courage and integrity to name our mistakes.

It also helps your beloved trust your capacity to change. If you are aware of what you’ve done that hasn’t worked, the chances are higher for you growing in the ways that they need.

Taking responsibility also relieves your partner from thinking they need to repeatedly point these things out. If you already get it, they don’t need to fight so hard for you to wake up and understand their concerns.

If you want to save your relationship, we lovingly encourage you to put your defenses down. Get vulnerable and humble as you do this step. Apologize freely, say “I’m sorry,” and empathize with how your actions or inactions must have affected your partner.

2. Get willing to do whatever it takes to save your relationship.

After you’ve taken responsibility for whatever unhelpful words and actions you’ve said and done, get radically willing to do whatever it takes to make things better than ever.

In the past, you’ve had moments when you were more committed to being right than being happy and connected. Or perhaps you were more committed to your own ego than to your partner’s heart. Or maybe you were simply more committed to getting your own needs met than you were to the overall needs of the relationship. It’s time to shift this and be all-in on doing whatever it takes for your love to grow into its greatest form.

Joyful Couple

Chances are, your beloved has been giving you clues for a long time as far as what they’ve been longing to experience more of in your relationship. Be generous and willing, and make it irresistibly wonderful for your partner to want to choose it –and you – again and again.

3. Create a specific timeframe.

When couples are on the edge of separation or divorce and one of you is really questioning things, it can be helpful to put a timeframe on how long you are asking your partner to reconsider.

It has likely taken a big occurrence (or months or years) to get to a place of them feeling ready to leave the relationship. Therefore, rather than requesting they be all-in with their commitment, see if they would instead give you three months to make significant changes, at which point you would then reassess things.

Then, over those three months (or whatever time frame you set), dive in and do everything it takes to grow, both personally and together.

It can be much easier for your partner to agree to this short-term commitment, affording you some time to implement the changes we know you long to prove you’re making.

4. Get outside support.

No matter how compassionate or successful you may be in other life areas, there is nothing like our romantic relationship to stir up our greatest fears, challenges, wounds, insecurities, and weaknesses.

Frustrated Couple

It’s also easy to have blind spots, get stuck in certain patterns, and miscommunicate.

Having a neutral third party – whether it is a book, online course, or counselor – can make all the difference.

Falling in love is easy and anyone can do it, but having a thriving long-term relationship requires a unique skill set very few people have. There are minimal role models, and most of us never learned these things growing up.

Therefore, to save your relationship, it’s vital that you be strategic. Every moment counts right now. Without guidance, unfortunately, we often see people doing the opposite of what will help bring their partner back. However, with the right tools, you can fast-track your growth and open up possibilities that didn’t exist before.

Couple on the Beach

If you follow these four steps, it will certainly help you turn this tough moment into a true turning point.

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Helping people save their marriages and relationships is one of the greatest honors. People often reach out to us in their most fragile, terrified, and dark moments, and we are endlessly in awe of what opens up in their relationship once they get the (long overdue) support they’ve needed all along. If you want to know you did everything possible to save your relationship, we warmly welcome you to schedule a free 20-minute consultation with us here. We also welcome you to our transformational Thrive in Love weekend workshop, a truly amazing weekend where we watch couples fall in love all over again, recommit to one another, and feel deeply inspired about what’s possible. In fact, here’s what a couple recently shared at the end of the Thrive in Love retreat we just led in Chicago:

“Out of this world, amazing, and more than what we expected. This one weekend retreat was better than 3+ years of marriage therapy and much more inexpensive and fast-acting. Best value workshop in this world for couples wanting to save their marriage. Christine and Bret are a true gift to us all.” –Ajay and Vibha Ahuja
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We are celebrating all of you incredible couples who, deep down, know more is possible in your relationship and who are willing to take the courageous steps to make those possibilities a reality. We’re totally here for you, and good things are ahead!

Infinite Love and Joy,
Christine and Bret

*We recently published “4 Keys to Save Your Relationship If You Are on the Edge of Separation” as an article on Marriage.com, and we are reposting it here to make it easy for you to read and find. We are so grateful to Marriage.com for publishing it!

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