What is a relationship check-in?
A relationship check-in is important because it allows us to gently assess the state of our relationship and ensure that we stay on the same page emotionally, mentally, physically and, if it fits for you, even spiritually.
Before we get to some of our favorite relationship check-in questions that we love to ask in our own relationship, that we share with clients in our couples counseling, and that we coach students in our Relationship Coach Certification to facilitate for other couples, here are…
6 reasons why relationship check-ins are beneficial:
Regular check-ins promote open and honest communication. It provides a dedicated space for discussing concerns, sharing feelings, and addressing any issues that may have arisen.
By communicating openly, we can avoid misunderstandings and work together to find solutions together, rather than the problems unnecessarily growing and coming between us.
2. Emotional Connection:
A relationship check-in helps us stay connected on an emotional level and gain a deeper understanding of each other.
3. Conflict Resolution:
Check-ins provide an opportunity to address conflicts when they are still small and in a proactive and constructive manner.
By discussing concerns early on, we can prevent resentment from building up and find ways to resolve any misunderstandings.
4. Assessing Relationship Goals:
Regular check-ins allow us to ensure we stay aligned with our highest vision for our relationship and lives.
We can discuss future plans and aspirations and ways we would love each other’s support. This promotes growth and long-term satisfaction for both of us.
5. Building Trust:
A relationship check-in encourages us to be vulnerable and creates a safe space where we both feel heard and valued, which fosters trust and intimacy.
6. Identifying Red Flags:
We can’t count the number of couples who have come to our office after ignoring things far too long — and these issues would have been exponentially easier to address when the red flags first appeared.
(Don’t worry — it’s not too late…this is just some loving encouragement not to postpone check-ins any longer.)
If you are only in the dating phase and not yet certain you want to commit long-term, this also serves an invaluable purpose.)
How do you start a relationship check-in?
Here are some ideas for questions to ask your partner:
When have you been feeling the happiest and most connected?
When have you been feeling the most distant?
What would you love for me to do or say more of?
What would you love for us to do more of?
What need have you been hesitant to acknowledge with me recently?
What do you feel worried, nervous, or scared about right now in our relationship?
When have you been feeling the most turned on?
How can I best support you right now?
How can I make your life more wonderful?
Do you sense we could use more healthy space or closeness right now?
And here are some ideas for things to share with your beloved:
I appreciate you for…
I realize I’ve been negatively impacting our relationship when I…
I’ve been feeling guilty or embarrassed about…
I’m scared that…
I wish I would do more of…
I apologize for…
I’ve been craving more…
I want to grow personally by…
I want to grow together in these ways…
It sounds really fun to…
What does a relationship check-in look like?
You don’t need to ask/answer all of these.
Simply go back and forth in whatever way flows, answering/asking the ones that especially speak to you.
Also, we want to acknowledge that, for some of you, this idea of a check-in probably sounds fun and inspiring. For others of you, however, it may seem scary, awkward, or threatening.
Rest assured, a relationship check-in is not meant to be confrontational or accusatory.
Instead, it is a collaborative effort to promote understanding, growth, and harmony within the relationship.
When done regularly (ex: perhaps quarterly), you will see profound payoffs in the quality of your connection!
We hope this truly serves you on your journey to creating a thriving relationship!
Want the entire scientifically-proven roadmap to creating a thriving relationship?
If you’d love to be empowered with everything it takes to create the kind of relationship you’ve always dreamed of having — no matter where you are right now…
We warmly welcome you to check out our Thrive in Love 90-day online relationship course.
It is currently on a FLASH SALE for 75% off, and it includes everything we have shared with clients in our private practice the past 10+ years and what we wish every couple on the planet knew when it comes to creating a healthy, conscious relationship that grows deeper and stronger through the years.
Get all the details here >> if, from the comfort and privacy of home, you want to renew and deepen your connection. You will get to learn simple and powerful formulas to effectively communicate, transform whatever issues have come between you, finally understand each other, heal from the past, find ways for your differences to work for you, and create the kind of love you’ve always wanted.
Wishing you some wonderful moments of reconnection ahead…
Sending you so much love and support always ~
Christine and Bret
Co-Founders of the Center for Thriving Relationships