You may have heard the expression: you are rarely upset for the reason you think you are. While this is wonderful and wise guidance, it only works if you have the emotional intelligence that is necessary in order to uncover the various layers of what you are really upset about — and why.
This common disconnect from our true emotions happens for a variety of reasons. In fact, very few people are ever taught how to access and express their most authentic emotions in healthy ways.
Instead, you probably grew up in a house where:
– there were certain feelings you weren’t “allowed” to have or that were perceived as wrong, bad, or weak (such as anger, embarrassment, or sadness)
– you lacked role models who identified their more vulnerable feelings and expressed them with an open heart
– you witnessed your caregivers unhealthily manage their emotions by burying them, stuffing them with food, avoiding them with alcohol, taking them out on others, etc. … Read More.
We want to connect with you about a couple of exciting things…
(1) Our next couples retreat, Thrive in Love, is coming up soon (September 29-30) at one of our favorite places in the world, the Tibetan Mongolian Buddhist Cultural Center!
If you’d love to learn how to effectively and compassionately communicate (about even the most heated topics!), find ways for your differences to work for you, quickly repair and heal after any conflict, stay deeply connected (no matter how busy you are), reignite the spark, keep passion alive for a lifetime, give and receive the kind of love you both have been longing to experience, and create a joyful and thriving relationship, we would be thrilled and honored to have you with us! … Read More.
When it comes to communication, there are some obviously unhelpful and unattractive patterns — like being critical, blaming, getting defensive, thinking you know it all, or talking over or interrupting the person who is speaking.
However, there are 3 common communication blunders that many people are less aware of — but that can equally do harm in relationships. We want to be sure you don’t mistakenly fall into these traps.
This blog is highly relevant for relationships that extend beyond just your romantic partner — your friends, kids, colleagues, you name it!
In this month’s blog, you will get to discover what they are and some alternatives that will make you a communication superstar! The people in your life will be very grateful. 😉
Here are the 3 things you may be doing to help that are actually causing harm…
(1) Relating what the other person said back to yourself
When someone else is sharing about either a joy or challenge in their lives, do you instantly relate it back to your own life and start giving them an example of something you experienced? … Read More.
A lot of our clients who come to us in a tough spot tell us that they put off nurturing their relationship because they just didn’t have the time.
It’s true. People are busier than ever. Our schedules are at maximum capacity, and our bandwidths are overloaded.
But here’s the deal: having a thriving relationship is actually so energy-giving, time-saving, and fun. Promise.
In fact, so many relationship challenges can fade away when we simply start putting in more of the good stuff, nurturing our love in positive ways, and tending to what’s called a “Love Account.”
We are sure you’ve found this to be true. You bring up a challenge or frustration when you are already feeling disconnected — and it easily turns into an argument and disconnects you even more. … Read More.
Secrets. We’ve all had them to varying degrees.
Something happens, and we feel embarrassed, ashamed, guilty, or afraid of what would happened if we told the truth.
Secrets show up in many different ways and in every area of life. That extra money you spent. The mistake you made and tried to hide. The food you snuck. The person you found attractive. Your sexual fantasies. Your fears about the relationship. The amount of alcohol you drank. The deadline you missed. What you said to your kids when nobody else was around.
We get scared. We avoid confrontation and other people’s judgments or disapproval. We wonder if it’s the most loving thing just to hold it inside. We justify our dishonesty. We even start lying to ourselves. … Read More.
Several years ago, we attended a wonderful workshop by Dr. Pat Sheehan all about emotional intimacy.
At the event, she shared with us an assessment she created to help couples identify what is standing in the way of bringing our fully vulnerable, available, and openhearted selves to one another.
With her permission, we’ve since been using this assessment tool with clients regularly, and it’s terrific.
We find that nearly everyone has one or more of these 5 fears, and it can be really illuminating to identify. They show up, not only in our romantic partnership, but in other relationships too.
In this month’s blog, we go over the 5 most common fears and then some quick tips for transforming what stands between you.
The 5 Fears of Closeness and Intimacy
(* These 5 fears were identified by Dr. … Read More.
Whether it’s where to live, whether or not to have a(nother) kid, where to go to eat, or whether or not to bring a pet into the house, it can be a painful experience when your beloved shoots down your idea, says “no” to what you really want, or simply doesn’t share your excitement about something.
It can also feel confusing and bring up big questions about your relationship:
Does this mean we aren’t compatible?
Will we have to break-up in order to both get our needs met?
Do I have to choose between what feels right in my heart and my partner?
If you can relate to the pain and confusion of wanting something different from your beloved, we’re hopeful these 3 key tips will give you guidance and bring some relief. … Read More.
Can you relate to some of the things couples regularly come into our office telling us:
- I feel like I’ve fallen out of love. I love and care about my partner, but I’m not in love.
- Our passion has faded, and I wish we could get that spark back.
- I just don’t feel sexy anymore.
- I don’t feel attracted to my beloved anymore.
When you first met, passion may have come readily and taken little effort (and if the sparks didn’t fly from the get-go, this month’s blog will be very helpful for you too!). It was probably an inspiring, enlivening, and really fun time of your life.
Months or years later, perhaps you see your sweetheart differently — more like a best friend, a housemate, or a co-parent. … Read More.