Offer REASSURANCE, rather than getting defensive.
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Being in a relationship can be a scary thing, no matter how long you’ve been in it. Your life becomes intertwined with this other unique and independent human being that you don’t have control over, and yet so much of what they say and do impacts you enormously.
It’s easy to feel out of control, vulnerable, anxious, worried, or stressed, especially for people who have a natural propensity towards these things.
For some, being in a relationship stirs up fears of not being loved, appreciated, enough, or wanted. Others may fear losing themselves, missing out on something in life, not being satisfied, running out of money, worrying about your kids’ safety or well-being, or feeling like something important to you is threatened. You may worry about things not getting done, having to do it all, or your needs not being met.
The list of potential fears that can get stirred up is endless!
For some people, when they experience a loss of feeling connected, heard, secure, or supported, it can trigger a sense of pain and panic. This week’s Little Thing is especially for those of you who are in a relationship with someone experiencing this.
HOW YOU CAN PUT IT INTO PRACTICE
When your partner’s fears are triggered, it can be easy to want to run farther away, to get defensive, or to shut down. However, as you probably have plenty of evidence to support, this only makes things worse.
A willingness to engage emotionally is essential in thriving love, and conflict heightens when at least one partner stops being present with the other’s feelings.
When your beloved is feeling anxious, what they need is your presence and your REASSURANCE, not your defensiveness. Feeling secure tranquilizes our nervous system, and when we feel like our partner is a source of comfort, it relaxes and bonds us.
And, we get it, how your worried/stressed/anxious partner is communicating to you probably isn’t ideal, and we understand how this ends up pushing you away. However, they probably don’t see it because they are momentarily flooded with emotion. Try to look underneath what your beloved is saying to their fears and needs. Also, rest assured, our next bi-weekly Little Thing will specifically be for them and will include a little thing they can do to better support and more effectively communicate with you!
A thriving relationship is all about setting each other up for success and filling your connection with words and actions that bring out the best in both of you. We are confident this week’s little thing will help you do just that! Enjoy!