When we’re working with couples, we continually see individuals who want their partners to come closer for support, ironically, end up pushing them further away.
When you are in a state of heightened emotion, your tone changes and your energy shifts (probably even more than you realize), and it can be overwhelming, triggering, and flooding for your partner. We recognize that the heart of what you are saying is important, and we want to set you up for optimal success!
Again, when you are feeling worried, stressed, frustrated, or anxious – whether it’s about something inside or outside of the relationship – avoid accusing and attacking. It’s human nature to move away from areas where we feel like a failure, and, in this case, your emotions directed at your beloved can easily equal your beloved feeling like a failure.
We know how painful and upsetting it can be when your beloved moves even further away in these moments!
Therefore, rather than directing all your feelings at your beloved, be appreciative of what they are doing right, the sacrifices they’ve made, and their good intentions. Use a tone that is softer, gentler, and more welcoming. If your beloved knows they are appreciated and can succeed, they will want to come closer and hear and support you. You will then get to be the teammates you’ve wanted to be, and you’ll both be happier for it!