The #1 thing standing in the way of heart connection
Whether you are disconnected about how to parent, where to go out to eat, the dishes, the clutter, how often you make love, how lazy, controlling, needy, disorganized, or undependable one of you are, how much time you spend together, or how to handle your finances, this thing we are talking about is playing a KEY role in perpetuating the conflict and preventing reconnection.
Ready for it?
You made up a story and are believing it to be true.
We know that might seem like a stretch because your thoughts FEEL. SO. REAL.
Just stay with us for a moment :)
From our thousands of client sessions, we simply find, again and again and again, that couples are upset with each other, not because of what’s really going on, but because of how they’ve interpreted it.
For example, one couple we recently worked with had an argument about money and, specifically, her recent shopping trip. They both were willing to be radically honest about what they were REALLY thinking. He had told himself that she was careless, irresponsible, and wasn’t appreciating how hard he works for their money. She told herself that he doesn’t appreciate everything she does for the kids, that she’s undeserving, and that he’s just giving her a hard time because he wants to punish her or make her unhappy.
When they both stepped back and actually articulated their own thoughts, they actually even surprised themselves.
The reality was this: she appreciates him greatly and has simply been feeling unattractive lately. She wanted to buy some new things to feel like herself again and, after looking at their finances, she thought it was within their budget. Likewise, he appreciates everything she does for the kids and doesn’t know what he would do without her. He thinks she is attractive exactly as she is and just wishes they could spend more time being intimate. He wants nothing more than for her to be happy.
As you can see, the story they were telling themselves is radically different than what was truly going on.
One of the most common stories people tell themselves is “I am right, and you are wrong.” Of course, this too is just a subjective story, and one that wastes a profound amount of time and energy.
Now it’s your turn. What is a conflict you currently are in or regularly find yourself in? What story are you telling yourself about your beloved? Are you willing to recognize that this is just your story, rather than the unarguable truth? How would your relationship be different if you let go of your ego, dropped your story and, saw your beloved’s best, rather than worst, intentions?
Hint: you know it’s just your story and not the objective reality if your beloved has a different perspective than you about whatever you are telling yourself.
If you feel disconnected from your beloved and want some extra support uncovering what’s really going on and creating new stories and solutions that work for BOTH of you, we are confident we can help you experience extraordinary breakthroughs. Be sure to visit this page to learn about counseling and coaching services we offer anywhere in the world.
Abundant heartfelt blessings to you both!