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Want to know one of the most essential elements to a healthy, conscious, connected, thriving relationship and the perfect antidote to defensiveness?
Here are 3 ways and situations in which we think CURIOSITY is the best response we can choose!
(1) When your partner shares something upsetting to them
Whether the upset involves you or not, here are some people’s favorite go-to responses…
– jumping right into advice giving
– judging them for overreacting, for being too sensitive, etc.
– “Yea, but…”
– “You are only saying that because…”
– “Well, you’re just going to have to…”
– “I did not!”
– “That is not what happened.”
All of the above responses can feel invalidating, unhelpful, and disconnecting, and the list of them goes on and on. … Read More.
Happiest start to sweet summertime! In our couples counseling and coaching practice, we tend to notice certain themes run through our office — with the challenges couples are experiencing and with the very things that would create the breakthroughs.
One of the big themes we’ve noticed recently is this: so many couples have lost touch with PLAYING together. Yes…PLAY!
When we refer to play, we’re referring to “play” as a way of stepping away from the world of tasks, distractions, and to-do-lists, as well as “playfulness,” which is a spirit in which we can approach just about anything!
Before we go on with some tips we hope are helpful for rejuvenating play, we first want to speak to those of you…
…who think you have too much to do and not enough time for play
…who bought into the myth that play is for children and not for adults
…and/or who are having a hard time imagining playing with the person you feel anything but playful with recently. … Read More.
Travel season is upon us! Although many people fantasize about a trip filled with laughter, deep connection, luxurious days just to delight in each other’s company, catching up on each other’s lives, and reigniting passion, research shows that many people get more benefit out of looking forward to the vacation (i.e. expected enjoyment) or reflecting on it afterwards (ex: some things that are difficult in the moment can make for really good stories afterwards!) than they do during the trip itself.
Turns out, for a lot of couples, traveling can be stressful. Romanticized vacations can turn into power struggles. All the quiet time can stir up challenges that have been hanging out just beneath the surface in your otherwise full and busy lives. Couples can start to get on each other’s nerves. … Read More.
It’s human nature to reach out for support after something really painful has happened — rather than proactively reaching out just to keep the good things growing. Therefore, as you can imagine, we receive a lot of phone calls from couples reeling in the aftermath of affairs. And we’re so grateful and honored they reach out.
During the first session, the couple often looks at us, wondering: is there hope? Can our relationship be saved?
We wouldn’t do what we do if we didn’t believe in the awe-inspiring untapped potential in nearly every relationship we see and in the vast capacity we humans have for healing, transformation, and growth. We assure them, if both partners are willing to dive in and do whatever it takes, then YES, there is a lot of hope. … Read More.
In our counseling work, we hear clients regularly complain about how they feel like things are imbalanced in their relationship, that they are giving more, doing more, loving more. When it comes to making money, household chores, being romantic, raising the kids, nurturing your relationship, and so on, have you ever caught yourself feeling like “you do all the work?”
It’s a very discouraging and frustrating place to be in — for both of you.
Your wants and desires are likely beautiful and valid. We simply want to set you up for optimal success by offering 7 quick tips that can help you break free from the rut of resentment and create more opportunities to feel more connected and supported as you co-create a mutually fulfilling partnership! … Read More.