We'll do our best to answer on the blog (& won't share your name)!
Have any guesses what the one word is that can wipe out the good?
We see this happen again and again. We’ll be sitting in a session with a couple. Partner A shares something from their heart, hoping that maybe, this time, their partner will really hear them. Maybe they even perk up for a moment as Partner B begins to respond.
This one word creeps in and changes everything, leaving Partner A deflated and disappointed, feeling unheard and unappreciated. Again.
This word can ruin an appreciation, turn an apology into a criticism, destroy an opportunity for connection, and wipe out all the celebratory energy in just one breath.
Wondering what it is?
It’s this one little sneaky word: “but.”
Below, we’ve given you some examples of some of the most common “but’s” (in no particular order) that we’re suggesting you clear from your vocabulary…
#1 – The Defensive But
“Yea, but you…”
The Defensive But has a hard time receiving feedback, gets defensive rather than open-minded, is critical rather than curious, and is stuck in their own head, rather than dropping into their partner’s heart and really hearing them with empathy. … Read More.
If you are like most couples, you may find that, when you and your beloved work on projects together, you tend to criticize your beloved or feel criticized, you have different opinions, and they become a source of conflict or stress, you wish your beloved would just do things your way, you feel frustrated, annoyed, discouraged, disappointed, there’s a power struggle going on, and/or you start nitpicking.
Rest assured, you are not alone AND there is a much better way!
Today, we’re excited to share with you the 6 essential keys to working on any project with your beloved, whether it be a house project, running a business together, planning a party or vacation together, or raising children.
The first essential key is simply this…
#1 – Commit to being on the SAME team.… Read More.
If you are either wanting more space OR more connection in your relationship, you’re in the right place.
In our counseling practice, we regularly hear from couples who feel stuck in a conflict of one person wanting more space and the other craving more connection. While it’s rare for partners to desire the exact same amount of closeness, when the roles of Pursuer and Distancer become increasingly polarized, it can create serious issues. In contrast, when there is a HEALTHY balance between togetherness and separateness, you get to be best friends AND passionate lovers!
First, let’s look at what happens when there is too much space.
An imbalanced amount of distance creates an environment for people to grow apart, to feel unsafe, unwanted, or unloved, for affairs to ripen, and for feelings of resentment, hurt, insecurity, anxiousness, and frustration to fester. … Read More.
Whether you are disconnected about how to parent, where to go out to eat, the dishes, the clutter, how often you make love, how lazy, controlling, needy, disorganized, or undependable one of you are, how much time you spend together, or how to handle your finances, this thing we are talking about is playing a KEY role in perpetuating the conflict and preventing reconnection.
Ready for it?
You made up a story and are believing it to be true.
We know that might seem like a stretch because your thoughts FEEL. SO. REAL.
Just stay with us for a moment :)
From our thousands of client sessions, we simply find, again and again and again, that couples are upset with each other, not because of what’s really going on, but because of how they’ve interpreted it. … Read More.
Have you ever found yourself or your beloved feeling really upset from something you judged to be insignificantly small? If so, it’s a sign that unhealed wounds from the past may be playing a role, and we want to present this idea to you on two levels.
First, we are referring to unhealed wounds from THIS relationship you are currently in.
When you and your beloved argue, if you tend to bring up past wrongs or mistakes and use them as weapons, this is a sign you need to heal the past before you can move forward. We see, again and again, couples that get really upset with each other, not because of what’s going on in that moment, but because it has triggered old pain. … Read More.